Why dogs are better than man

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  1. dogs enjoy ball games, but they don't spend six hours on the phone trying o get tickets for Germany 2006
  2. spots are an attractive feature on a dog
  3. a dog is better protection from intruders
  4. sogs greet each other by sniffing bottoms, men are far less polite
  5. puppy love doesn't wear off so quickly with a dog
  6. you can be prosecuted for neglecting a dog
  7. dogs can find their way back home - even after a really heavy night out
  8. dogs can be trained not to lie on the bed, men always lie in bed
  9. a dog can moult without becoming obsessed about premature baldness
  10. dogs can be taught the meaning of the word "NO!"
  11. a dog is far less irritation to have in the back seat of a car
  12. and will be less likely to show its rear end to the people in the vehicle behind for a laugh
  13. if a dog says sausages, that's clever - if a man says sausages, that's just greedy
  14. dogs will wait patiently outside clothes shops
  15. and not criticize your purchases afterwards
  16. a dog will fetch the morning paper for you
  17. a dog will trot faithfully round at your heel
  18. dogs don't break wind in public and blame it on the man
  19. in the canine world, boxers are quite intelligent
  20. if a dog gets ill, it won't take eighteen Panadols in order to avoid having to go to the vet
  21. you can also ask the vet to perform the snip, even if the dog objects
  22. small, ginger-haired dogs can be quite appealing. As for men? Two words - Robin Cook
  23. you can find a nice dog by advertising on a card in a shop window, or in the classified section of the local paper
  24. a woman can live with more than one dog, without rumours starting
  25. when dogs beg, it's cute. When men beg it's pathetic
  26. dogs sometimes dig the garden
  27. a dog can go out fox-hunting without being incredibly stuck up and pompous
  28. dogs don't necessarily prefer blondes
  29. dogs won't get embarrassed if you call them by a pet name when their friends are around
  30. dogs travel more cheaply on the bus
  31. dogs whine less
  32. some dogs can be quite talented at singing
  33. men lost the World Cup - a dog found it
  34. dogs are less reliant on tinned food
  35. but after a few cans, a dog will still be able to stand up
  36. and there are some things even a dog won't eat - like the remains of a three-day-old King Prawn vindaloo that they found on the floor behind the sofa
  37. you can leave a dog alone in your house without worrying so much about what it'll break
  38. a dog gets a new coat every winter
  39. dogs are not so careless about leaving puddles on the bathroom floor
  40. a dog is less likely to leave a filthy, stinking mess for you to clear up
  41. for a dog, a wet nose is a sign of GOOD health
  42. men are even less useful for testing cosmetics on
  43. dogs don't wolf-whistle
  44. there are still thousands of totally undomesticated dogs in Australia; but far more undomesticated men
  45. your dog will never refer to you as 'a bitch'
  46. in disaster films, the dog is always far more likely to have a miraculous escape
  47. dogs do not waste money betting on the dogs
  48. you can stop dogs getting too randy by throwing a bucket or water over them
  49. all the best clips on 'You've Been Framed' are the ones with dogs in
  50. if a dog starts worrying sheep, that's just its natural predatory instinct
  51. if a MAN starts worrying sheep, however ...
  52. a 'King Charles' is much more likely to be a big, floppy-eared dog than a big floppy-eared man
  53. you can also call a dog schitzu without offending it
  54. "working like a dog" is strenuous, working like a man is, er - not
  55. you can fondle your dog in the park without being arrested
  56. a dog will encourage you to lose weight by taking more exercise. A man will just remark on how big your bum looks
  57. dogs do not attack other dogs for being a different colour
  58. having a dog around the place can actually ease stress
  59. you'd feel guilty about turning a dog out on the street
  60. a dog can take a barrel of brandy to a lost mountaineer without drinking ANY
  61. there aren't so many good reasons to keep a dog muzzled in public
  62. you can buy a dog's affection with a squeaky toy
  63. a dog will be eager to walk, rather than getting a taxi
  64. most dogs are really good with children
  65. dogs have a highly-developed sense of smell, men, on the other hand, can quite happily wear the same pair of pants for a fortnight
  66. a dog is more useful for tracking down criminals
  67. who did YOU miss most from Blue Peter - John Noakes or Shep?
  68. a dog might actually take a bath of its own accord
  69. there's more chance of your dog being able to operate the video recorder
  70. you can buy a choke-chain for a dog
  71. a 16-year-old dog is very mature
  72. a dog is easier to keep well-groomed
  73. dogs have more chance of receiving an award for bravery
  74. dogs are easier to house-train
  75. dog do not scratch themselves so much in polite company
  76. a dog can look as though it understands what you're saying
  77. dogs went into space first
  78. a man will roll over and play dead only if you ask him to get up and make coffee
  79. dogs enjoy swimming, and not for the chance to ogle girls in bikinis
  80. being a dog's mistress is no reason to feel ashamed
  81. you can keep your dog tied up if it starts misbehaving
  82. saggy skin and a hang-dog look aren't half as appealing on a man
  83. you can train a dog in obedience
  84. a dog in a studded collar isn't kinky
  85. few men would answer to 'Lassie'
  86. a dog is a pack animal, a man is a six-pack animal
  87. dogs spend the day sniffing drugs only if they're with the police
  88. dogs aren't obsessed with 'doing it man-fashion'
  89. a dog is a faithful companion
  90. a dog is for life

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